Hey Reader,

One of the *most* common threads I hear when working with clients is a version of "I thought I would be further along by now". It's often shared after we've built a relationship, said almost sheepishly or timidly as if they shouldn't even state it out loud.

Often this comes from folks who are wildly successful in many ways - they've built thriving careers, they are doing work they care about, have steady relationships - and yet there's often an area that they feel behind in, like their financial foundations or their relationship with their body.

It doesn't matter what age, by the way - I've worked with clients who are still in school, just over 20 years old, and humans who are retired, close to 70. While the exact phrasing or area of life can shift with life stage, that sense of feeling behind or like they haven't measured up in some way is pervasive.

Some have never said it out loud before - whether it's because they think they should be grateful for what they have, or they feel embarrassed for where they are or what they want - it's often kept underneath the surface, a driving factor in their decision making and how they feel about themselves and their lives.

What I share with my clients at this point, after validating and making space for this belief and all of the feelings and judgements that come with it, is that the feeling of being behind is *not* a fact. While the feeling in the moment is real, the persistence of that belief, no matter how much you achieve or create, comes from a framework you're operating within, whether you're conscious of it or not.

Every single frame, lens, or worldview - however you make meaning and conceptualize reality - at some point was invented.

Maybe by you, but more likely by someone or someones in power that benefited from the majority believing the world was a certain way. And when we absorb these frames, often from a very young age, they get repeated as truth enough times that they just feel like "the way things are".

Including what success is supposed to look like, the milestones you're supposed to hit (whether that's around marriage and babies per society, or more self-imposed like being a published author by 30), and how you feel about yourself when you do or don't hit said targets.

It doesn't mean don't have goals - it's more an invitation and reminder that "it's all invented" and when you take a step (or 2 or 3) back, you can investigate:
→ What frame is this feeling coming from?
→ What worldview or ideas of success am I operating from?
→ Is that truly working for me and in alignment with my vision and values?

And one of my favorites -
→ Who is profiting from me believing this about myself?
​→ Who gains when I constantly feel behind, left out, and stuck in hustle mode?

***

I made a decision this week that, by conventional standards of what a coaching career is "supposed to" look like, would appear to be going backwards, or perhaps even failing.

Starting in June I am taking on a part-time coaching role with an integrative healthcare company, supporting folks who are receiving treatment for serious illness and navigating massive changes in their lives. Nothing in my private practice is going anywhere (other than slightly limited hours), and yet I did notice certain parts of my wondering what people would think about this, what assumptions they would make about me.

This decision to move into this position came from the clarity I have around my professional vision - the pursuit and perseverance of a vital and nourished world - and the commitment I have that every person be held with regard and seen as whole, capable, and worthy of a full life. I hold a living question of "who gets left out of wellness spaces?" and actively seek out ways I can show up for those people.

Instead of feeling like I'm backsliding, I feel like I'm opening up a whole new possibility of where I can bring my skills and expertise, and it feels wildly expansive and rooted.

When decisions are made from deeply anchored vision and values, rather than chasing metrics of success or a fleeting sense of safety outside of yourself, it becomes a completely different framework and orientation for how you view and live your life. There's no such thing as feeling behind - there's only "What do I care about, what world do I want to make, and how can I live that today?"

I offer this to you if you have ever felt behind. If you've ever wondered if you'll ever "get there" - wherever your version of "there" is. And I invite you to consider:
​
→ Where are you living inside a framework you didn't choose?
→ What are you measuring yourself against, and did you ever decide that's what mattered, or is it something you inherited and absorbed?
→ What happens if you try on or invent a different frame?

Let me know what lands for you and what you discover 💜

Love,
Kate

PS: Ready for a more vision-centered life? I have a few spaces for Vision Sessions opening up in June. Get clear not just on your vision and values, but on what's required for you to live from them (without burning out or overextending yourself). Click here to book!​